Ever heard any of the one-liners about Jack Bauer from Fox’s hit TV show, 24? I love them — if you’re a fan of the show, you’ll find them amusing:
- Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
- Professor Charles Xavier from X-Men once tried to read Jack Bauer’s mind. Now he’s sitting in a wheel chair.
- If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan, the movie would have been called “1”.
- Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.
- Jack Bauer always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It’s because steroids are made from Jack Bauer.
- Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up their location.
- Jack Bauer could strangle you with a cordless phone.
- If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12.”
And my personal favorite:
- Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
You can read more at Random Jack Bauer Facts (warning: some of the one-liners are crude or contain profanity — I had to cite my source).
But my purpose here isn’t to talk about Jack Bauer. I was going to share about the last 24 hours in the MonT-SteR household.
Our son contracted a nasty stomach flu, which has made the rounds in our home. Both Mommy and Daddy got it, and Mommy was violently ill with it last night. Daddy, fortunately, was spared the vomiting, but I was intensely nauseated for a long time. Christi and Robert were out of commission, and since I felt the best, I had to take care of them. This involved hauling a towering mountain of vomit soaked garments, bedsheets, and blankets to the laundromat. It required a herculean effort on my part to even get to the laundromat, because I felt like a wet rag.
On the way there, I had to stop at the grocery store to get some sick-o food (saltines, soda, et al) and quarters for the washing machines. It’s a funny thing how your senses play tricks on you. By the time I had gathered the laundry and gotten to the store, EVERYTHING smelled like vomit. Every smell in that dadburned store somehow morphed into the olfactory delight of fresh regurgitation. It didn’t matter whether it was fruit, fried chicken, or popcorn I was smelling — it ALL smelled like one giant technicolor yawn. It’s a wonder I didn’t blow chunks all over everybody at the check-out counter.
But God sustained me, and by the time I got to the laundromat I felt nothing short of miraculously better. I returned home with armloads of fresh smelling laundry, feeling rather triumphant about my victory over the urge to hurl, only to find that my wife felt like she was going into premature labor. Yikes. After some intense discussion and prayer time about what to do, we went the ER to get her checked out. It turned out that the symptoms from the stomach flu were mimicking labor pains — baby and mommy were both fine (thank you, Jesus). Good news, to be sure, but we had to stay at the ER ALL NIGHT, and the only bed in our room was occupied by Christi. Your One and Only Favorite MonT-SteR passed the night miserably sitting in a hard chair or pacing — I didn’t sleep a wink until about 8:30 this morning.
So, between the deleterious effects of stomach flu and and a worrisome all-nighter at the hospital, we’re completely spent. But thankful. Baby MonT-SteR #2 is still on his/her way, Christi and I were drawn closer as we weathered a potential crisis together, and my heart is full with gratitude to God.
aka The MonT-SteR