Today I had one of those moments of sheer nakedness, when the shameful things I coddle and cover are flung into the light so rapidly and with such force that I’m exposed before I even know what’s happening.
There was no possibility of covering things up or doing damage control. An ironic fact, since I’m the one who started the chain reaction that pulled me out of my spiritually anesthetized state.
I should be thankful. In the inner sanctum of my heart, where I most delight in the law of God, I am indeed thankful. But I also feel quite wretched–lost, degraded, dirty and insecure. I wish to be pitied, even by myself, but I have none. Not for me.
Yet, even as I write these words, I remember the paradox God has been relentlessly whispering in my ear. Truth is a Person. Life is a Person. The Way is a Person. My first instinct is to banter about Truth, to theologize about Life, and to stumble along the Way under my own aegis, groping about in my thirst for Living Water. The paradox is that Truth, Life, and Way are simply found in drinking–taking deep draughts from the wells of salvation.
In quenching my thirst, I come to know Truth firsthand, to experience Life everlasting, and to walk surefooted along the Way.
My God, how did I get this so backwards?