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The MonT-SteR had to go to the doctor today to get a nasty ol’ ingrown toenail taken care of. Thanks to the HUGE novacaine injections the doctor gave me (my toe felt like it was going to burst!), I didn’t feel a thing. This was decidedly positive, especially given the doctor’s ensuing actions:

  • First, he took a scalpel and SHOVED it underneath the right half of my toenail, all the way down to the cuticle. This was to “separate it from the nail bed,” and it was by far the most unsettling part of the whole procedure to witness. The further the scalpel descended, the wider my eyes got — and the more I thanked God for the wonders of local anesthesia. Anybody want to sit and contemplate how painful it would be to forcefully thrust a scalpel, point first, underneath your big toenail? Brrrr….
  • Next, with a large scissor-like implement, he snipped away the part of the toenail he had just EVISCERATED.
  • Finally, he clamped down on the cut nail with a pair of forceps and YANKED it out. The nail made a disgusting, moist crunch noise when it came loose. Yuck!

The offending bit of nail that was biting into the side of my toe was quite large, and it had a little hook on the end that was pointing upwards. No wonder my toe was sore! As I said, I didn’t feel a thing during the whole procedure. But I am feeling it now. Although I’m not in as much pain as I thought I would be, my left big toe is throbbing away. The doctor dressed it with some gauze, so now it looks like someone pushed a large marshmallow down over my big toe. Lovely.

If you were grossed out by this post, you can blame my friend Adam. He’s the one who suggested I share more MonT-SteR MinUTiAe on my blog.

Substantial posts on the way tomorrow.


aka The MonT-SteR