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You won’t believe this. I got an e-mail today saying that businessman Wooin Fong has died, leaving an $18.6 million estate to… NOBODY.

I know, I know…. Why The MonT-SteR would care about this is not immediately apparent. Allow me to fill you in. See, Mr. Fong didn’t have a next of kin. But somehow, this South African banker who handled Mr. Fong’s accounts has tracked me down, and — lo and behold — I’M actually his closest living relative. Uncanny, that! All I have to do to inherit this fortune (minus an 80% finder’s fee) is e-mail this ever-so-friendly South African banker my own bank account numbers and other critical personal data. He’s guaranteeing both my privacy and safety with the utmost sincerity. Well, hot dang! The MonT-SteR’s ship has finally come in!

The sad thing is, there must be some people out there gullible enough to fall for such twisted SPAM, or the `net scourge wouldn’t send it in the first place.

At any rate, I was annoyed enough by this e-mail to hit the reply button. Of course, after I had typed a bit, I realized that the originating address was probably spoofed or fabricated. Not wanting my sarcasm to get lost out in the digital ether, I’ve opted to post it here:


And I’m a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people-eater. Wait, no — I’m actually President Bush’s dog Barney. No, scratch that. I’m President Bush! No, wait. If you want the truth, I’m President Bush’s bank account. And I have millions of dollars that I’d just like to give you, since the Secret Service and the Trilateral Commission have both instructed the Third Degree of the Universal Brotherhood of Illuminati to inform me that you are actually Jenna and Barbara Bush’s brother. That’s right — YOU’RE the long lost Bush triplet, and today is your lucky day!

Knuckle-dragging spammers the world over always get such happy news when they e-mail me. Aren’t you glad you did?


aka The MonT-SteR